Tag Archives: women

by | November 12, 2015 · 5:00 am

The Other Side of the Couch – Surprise at the Library

Library

 

I went to the public library a few days ago.  I have been going more frequently in the last year since I am a member of two book clubs, and I am spending way too much money on books.  I made a resolution to check with the library before I bought another book, so I ran in to see if a copy of The Color Purple by Alice Walker happened to be available.  (It was – I read it years ago, but this is the classic that my book club is reading this month.)

What was interesting to me is what happened after I found the book that I needed.  I started browsing – you know, just looking at book titles, pulling a few off the shelf to check out the descriptions.  Before I knew it I had picked up three other titles – one of which I put back because, although I wanted it, I knew it was too long and challenging a read right at this time.  I checked out the other two.

I left the library with three books – the one I came for, and two others that I would never have run across had I not been just poking around, picking up books and putting them back, just for the sake of looking.  I am now deep into one of those books (NOT the one I am supposed to be reading for book club!).

To have the opportunity to go to a public library, to hang out, to browse, to run across books that I might not have ever seen or known existed, is a privilege that we in this country and in this city take for granted.  To have a library card, to have access to the incredible array of services offered by our public library system, is one way in which our country maintains its democracy.  A library card is a ticket to information.  Information can be found in any number of different ways – through books, through public computers, through DVDs and CDs, through inter-library loan, and even through e-books.  In Nashville, the public library system is linked to our schools, so our students have access to this amazing universe of knowledge.

Library cards are free!  All one needs is an ID and proof of address.  What a bargain.  The information below is found on the Nashville Public Library website – www.nashvillepubliclibrary.org .

About Your Library Card

Your library card gives you free access to over two million books, ebooks, magazines, DVDs, streaming movies and music, and more.

Library cards are free for any person who lives in Davidson County or within the Goodlettsville city limits. Cards are also free for Metro Nashville employees.

You may get a library card online or in person at any library location.

Online cards allow immediate access to all online library materials. If you get a card in person, it allows immediate access to all library materials. To get a card, present your photo ID and proof of address. Any combination of accepted forms of ID that satisfy these requirements is allowed.

As I prepare to read another chapter of my “found” book, I am celebrating libraries, and books, and reading, and I am also acutely aware of the privilege that I have in this city, in this country.  Even in Nashville itself, too many men and women are unable to read.  According to the Nashville Adult Literacy Council, one in eight Nashvillians are unable to read.

Celebrate reading; celebrate your ability to go to a library and to find what you want, and sometimes to find some other things that you didn’t know you wanted.  Life is enriched in so many ways.

About Susan Hammonds-White, EdD, LPC/MHSP:

Susan is a communications and relationship specialist, counselor, Imago Relationship Therapist, businesswoman, mother, and proud native Nashvillian. She has been in private practice for over 30 years. As she says, “I have the privilege of helping to mend broken hearts.”  Contact Susan at http://www.susanhammondswhite.com

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by | October 20, 2015 · 5:00 am

Building a Bottomless Bucket List


DOLPHIN PHOTO WILD SIDE_crop2_crop

This August I crossed one off the bucket list: swimming with dolphins.   Well, two actually, the second was riding a catamaran on the ocean.  I have wanted to sail again since I was eighteen, loving the exciting tipped on its side ride, tacking, and hearing the sound of the wind in the sails.  It was my cousin’s wooden sailboat at our local lake.  While the boat we were traveling on this day no longer sported the mast and white canvas, instead using engine power to traverse the surf, the excitement of negotiating the rolling waves was still there.  For snorkeling, I learned that big waves are not a big deal when you are in the deep water, as opposed to being beaten up with “the breakers” at the shoreline – on the water you just roll with it.  I did feel brave jumping into that water where big things live.  With flotation belt, mask, snorkel and fins, I was plenty well suited for braving this new world.

Our competent, ecologically respectful guide, Elizabeth, gave us thorough preparation and education about the dolphin’s feeding and rest cycles, and how they rest one side of their brain at a time, alternating between the sonar and analytical sides, as exhibited with closure of the opposing eye of the side of the brain which is asleep.  We learned how to visit in a low impact way and not chase or touch the docile and loving creatures.  A small group of three couples,  upon our first encounter we beheld about twenty dolphins as they played, rested, and lazily moved to and fro zigzagging the coast in their rhythmic movement, sometimes on the bottom, often on or near the top, in 40 to 100 feet of water.  We later noted in the car on the trip back to our hotel that each of us had been mesmerized by the Aurora Borealis-like shafts of light permeating down through the depths in glistening light patterns.  Adding to our pleasure were intensely warm water currents influenced by El Nino, followed by refreshing cool veins of sweet relief.  As an artist, I am looking more at how light reacts on objects, and the pieces of the shapes on those objects.   There was so much to see.

Hours later, I was still exhilarated with the excitement of it all, especially seeing the graceful dolphins in their home, and learning first hand about their loving, community nature.   As we moved from the snorkeling with dolphins site to the turtle site, the dolphins rode our bow, racing ahead as they are so adept at leading.  From the 2-week-old baby swimming against mom’s side, to the 4 teenagers “hanging loose” and swimming slowly, like teenagers do, we enjoyed every minute.  Others were exhibiting raucous, tail flapping fun, spinning, relaxing and mating.  It was nature at its best.  On the trip out we spotted sea turtles and flying fish.  On the way back to the dock, we stopped twice to swim with the turtles, getting good views of several adults together on the bottom coral.  I was at once surprised to be 5 feet away from a sea turtle as it emerged, so close I could smell its algae covered body or its breath; I’m not sure which.

Riding to and from the harbor was a great adventure on the high seas, better than a ride at Fair Park.  On the trampoline-like net across the front, I was holding on tight and getting splashed, rocking up, once airborne, and dropping back down again against the deep blue mountains of water as it splashed through the net.  It felt like we were at a rodeo.  I haven’t had that much fun in forever.

Extra special about this trip was getting to experience it with my soul mate, David, on our celebratory revisit, having married there on Oahu in 1985, one hour east and thirty years before that sun-filled day.

Next on the bucket list: getting up close to a humpback whale.  You will certainly hear about it as it happens.

Photo credit and company we explored with on Oahu: www.sailhawaii.com

About Renee Bates

Renee is an artist focused on growing a newfound ability to express herself through oil painting, recently leaving her role as executive director of the non-profit Greenways for Nashville to pursue art and product development.  Renee likes being in nature, hiking, birding, and working in the garden. Married to David Bates of Bates Nursery and Garden Center, a 3rd generation business begun in 1932. Renee admires the fact that it was begun by a savvy woman, Bessie Bates.  Renee’s art may be enjoyed from her website or followed on Facebook.

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by | October 6, 2015 · 5:00 am

The Other Side of the Couch – She Sits in My Office

Acceptance 2

She sits in my office, a woman in her 20s, carefully yet casually dressed, clearly anxious.  This is our first visit, and I don’t yet know what brings her to me.  A counseling session opens with informed consent, so we speak of confidentiality, of any exceptions to that sacred boundary (any situation in which harm to self, to others, and/or to minor children or elderly requires breaking confidentiality).  Then we come to the question – What brings you here today?

She tears up, and her words begin to pour out as she struggles with her answer.  “I am attracted to women.  I have fought this and fought this, and not wanted it, and tried to be different, but it is no use.  I have no response to men.  I have dated men, and I have known kind, good men.  I grew up with kind parents.  I had a good home.  I am a Christian, and I grew up in a loving church.  At least I thought I did.  But my church is against homosexuality, and sees it as a sin.  I am torn apart inside.  I don’t want to be a lesbian.  I don’t want to live my life outside society’s acceptance.  Can you help me?  Can you help me change how I feel inside about being attracted to women?”

My heart sinks as I hear this question, because I know that the answer is not what she will want to hear.  Reputable therapists don’t offer what used to be called “conversion therapy” to supposedly help someone redirect their attraction template.   This so-called therapy is actually illegal in four states and is considered unethical by the mental health professions.

This client and I have a long road ahead together, if she decides to follow through with counseling.  Helping a person come to terms with their own sexual orientation, when it is different from what is considered the norm, is a challenge.  Many same-sex oriented individuals have struggled for years before they seek any kind of help and have absorbed the many homophobic messages that surround these issues.

The educational process will involve looking at the biology of attraction, at the internalized messages that complicate self-acceptance, at the kind of relationship the client wants (often a stable, adult, long-term relationship sanctioned by both the state and his/her faith background).  It will also involve looking at what it means to live one’s life as a gay/lesbian person in one’s family, community, profession, church.  It will involve helping this client differentiate between such Biblical issues as temple prostitution and sexual slavery, clearly opposed by the Old Testament, and the experience of monogamous, same-sex unions, which were not even thought of in that culture and time.  It will involve the question of children – whether and how to become a parent.  Most of all, it will involve learning self-acceptance and self-compassion.

The United States has experienced a remarkable shift in attitude over the last two decades, culminating in the recent decision by the Supreme Court affirming the right to marriage for same-sex couples.  This does not mean, however, that the acceptance for same-sex couples is easy, especially in the context of some faith-based institutions.

My hope for this client is that I will be able to walk with her through her fears, through giving up the dream of a “regular” life, to the point of being able to lovingly accept her own being.

My hope for our country is that we will all be able to walk through our fears, recognize that difference is not dangerous, and reach the point of being able to lovingly accept our fellow citizens in all their infinite variety.

About Susan Hammonds-White, EdD, LPC/MHSP:

Susan is a communications and relationship specialist, counselor, Imago Relationship Therapist, businesswoman, mother, and proud native Nashvillian. She has been in private practice for over 30 years. As she says, “I have the privilege of helping to mend broken hearts.”  Contact Susan at http://www.susanhammondswhite.com

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by | August 11, 2015 · 5:00 am

The Other Side of the Couch – But I Don’t Want to Change!

Change

Some time ago I was working with a couple who were struggling with some issues in their marriage.  The wife was unhappy with how things were going in the relationship, and she wanted things to be different.  The husband was quite satisfied with how things were going, and in the face of his wife’s pressure, he finally erupted in the session with this statement:  “I DIDN’T GET MARRIED TO CHANGE MY LIFE!”

Regardless of the rights and wrongs of this particular couple’s issue, the husband’s impassioned statement has long stayed with me.  How many times in my own life have I been faced with the need to change – whether due to external circumstances created by another person’s need for change, or due to internal pressures requiring me to move in new directions.  The universality of these experiences, however, is that change is not often welcomed by human beings with open arms and a wide embrace.  It is more often encountered with reluctance and with some degree of foot-dragging.

And yet, change is inevitable.  We grow up.  We age.  Friends and family come and go.  Our bodies become different over the years.  Our understanding grows and changes (if we allow ourselves to engage in the process of self-examination.)  The reality is that the opposite of change is stasis – or death.

Rosabeth Moss-Kanter, author of The Change Masters (1983), spoke to the issue of change in corporations, essentially pointing out that corporations that embrace change are successful; those that do not either struggle or fail.  Her book points out this essential truth:  If you don’t master change, change will master you.

So how do I master this inevitable process?  I react a bit to the word “master” – I would substitute “live with” or “embrace” or “lean into” (thank you, Sheryl Sandberg).  I want to experience these processes as ways through which I am able to become more fully present with myself and with my world.  By acknowledging that change is happening, by looking it squarely in the face rather than being in denial about it, I am able to work with it rather than fight with it, and therefore more effectively live the life I want to live.

Some tips about embracing change:

  1. Identify the changes that are going on in your life.
  2. Decide how you want to relate to those changes.
  3. Choose changes that you want to make for yourself.
  4. Find support and accountability to hold yourself to the path that you have chosen.
  5. Enjoy the ride!

About Susan Hammonds-White, EdD, LPC/MHSP:

Susan is a communications and relationship specialist, counselor, Imago Relationship Therapist, businesswoman, mother, and proud native Nashvillian. She has been in private practice for over 30 years. As she says, “I have the privilege of helping to mend broken hearts.”  Contact Susan at http://www.susanhammondswhite.com

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by | April 14, 2015 · 5:00 am

The Other Side of the Couch – How to Say “No”

Stress

Every now and then a period of time arises in my life that results in hand-wringing and gnashing of teeth, accompanied by thoughts such as, “How could this have happened again?” and “What were you thinking?” and “Were you even thinking?”   This is usually the result of having said, “Yes,” to too many different projects, all of which for some odd reason all need to be completed within the same (already packed) time period.   This is what I used to call in my college days a “Pressure Period.”  The perplexing part of this for me is that I am light-years past college, and the same kind of thing keeps on happening on an all-too-regular basis.

I have strategies for dealing with it when it happens – chunk it down, one step at a time, do the next right thing, this too shall pass.  All of these strategies work to some degree, and the period of time passes and it all gets done.  However, what I want is a change in the pattern.  I want it NOT to happen.

To make that happen, I have to be really honest with myself and with what I am committing myself to taking on.  For example, I am currently the president or leader of three organizations – two are local and one is national.  I didn’t plan to be the one in charge of these groups all at the same time – it just turned out that way.  It’s as though when I am asked to take a certain role, everything other than my ability to do the job and my desire to do it well and my knowledge that I can do it well recedes.  I can only see that one thing that is ahead of me  All the other things that I do are not present as I contemplate this possibility.  I do choose to say yes, and I often say it quickly, without taking time to consider the impact on other areas of my life.

The result of this pattern is that I stay very busy.  I am sure that staying busy is serving some purpose in my life, but I won’t know what that purpose is unless I allow myself to become less busy.  Becoming less busy is going to involve saying, “No.” – and saying no is a skill I need to practice.

So – here are some ideas I plan to try:

  • Say maybe.
  • Sleep on any decision.
  • Make a blanket rule about saying, “Yes,” to anything at all for “x” period of time, no matter how good it sounds.
  • Be ok with changing my mind.
  • Understand that I am not the only person who can do a task. I am not irreplaceable (Wow – how arrogant to even think such a thing).
  • Breathe
  • Be compassionate to the part of me that wants to say yes, and curious about what it would be like to be less busy.

I will let you know how it goes.  In the meantime, I’d better get busy….!!!

About Susan Hammonds-White, EdD, LPC/MHSP:

Susan is a communications and relationship specialist, counselor, Imago Relationship Therapist, businesswoman, mother, and proud native Nashvillian. She has been in private practice for over 30 years. As she says, “I have the privilege of helping to mend broken hearts.”  Contact Susan at http://www.susanhammondswhite.com

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by | March 31, 2015 · 5:00 am

DIY vs. Outsourcing

DIY vs. Outsourcing

Abigail and Bob started their business five years ago after being downsized from corporate jobs.  Until recently they were the only employees, working long hours and outsourcing specific tasks to free-lancers (a/k/a independent contractors).  Now they want to add employees to prepare for several new customers.  They believe replacing the free-lancers with employees will allow them to streamline processes, speed up response times and become more profitable.

Refugees from corporate America, Abigail and Bob want to avoid bogging down in bureaucracy, but they also know they need some administrative structure. They are smart, educated individuals, so they begin researching HR issues and employment laws. They quickly feel overwhelmed and confused.

As small business owners, they know how to change tack quickly when something isn’t working, so instead of becoming HR compliance experts, they take a phased approach.  First, they decide on their philosophical approach to employee and HR issues. They want their policies to have a positive spin, rewarding employees for initiative and good performances as opposed to punishing them for mistakes. Next, they identify all the tasks to be performed by each newly hired employee so that accurate job descriptions can be created.  It’s impossible to hire the “right” employee if no one knows what skill set that person should have.

With this initial phase completed, they are ready to move to the next phase which is to select an HR consultant to assist with implementation.  By hiring an HR consultant who is a subject matter expert, Abigail and Bob will get solid HR assistance while freeing their time to run their business.

These types of issues arise every day for small business owners who must weigh the pros and cons of DIY versus outsourcing.  Is your company growing? Are you making changes and facing this kind of decision?  For those who decide to outsource, Corporate Compliance Risk Advisor helps small business owners like Abigail and Bob to create HR policies that are appropriate for their company’s size and then serves as a resource to their staff as the policies are implemented.

About Norma Shirk

Norma started her company, Corporate Compliance Risk Advisor, to help employers create human resources policies for their employees and employee benefit programs that are appropriate to the employer’s size and budget. The goal is to have structure without bureaucracy. Visit Norma’s website: www.complianceriskadvisor.com/.

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by | March 17, 2015 · 5:00 am

The Other Side of the Couch – Letting Go

Grief

I received the news yesterday that one of my dearest friends, one of those friends that has touched your life in a thousand ways, unexpectedly succumbed to pneumonia.  She had been battling cancer for some time, and she had started on a new kind of chemotherapy.  I knew that she had been struggling with side effects, but the news that she had not survived was both shocking and so very sad.  As I face this grief, I notice that is a familiar experience now – the weight in the chest, the tears that lurk behind the eyes, the feeling that nothing much matters.  I have been here before.

Any loss recapitulates all the other losses – and as we live life longer, those losses indeed pile up.  I believe that one of the lessons that all human beings are called to face is that of how do we let go.  When a loved one has moved beyond us, as will happen if we live long enough, how do we go forward?

Perhaps one way of looking at this is NOT to go forward, but to stay still. The shock of loss is immobilizing at first, and for good reasons.  We are not thinking clearly; our rational mind has been overturned, and we are living in – swimming in – the emotional sea of grief.  I would wish for all space, quiet, support, time.

David Whyte, a poet and author whose work has been very meaningful to me, has written a wonderful book called Consolations.  He chooses 52 words and writes essays on each.  One of his words is Heartbreak.  Below is an excerpt.

David Whyte

HEARTBREAK

“…If heartbreak is inevitable and inescapable, it might be asking us to look for it and make friends with it, to see it as our constant and instructive companion, and even perhaps, in the depth of its impact as well as in its hindsight, to see it as its own reward. Heartbreak asks us not to look for an alternative path, because there is no alternative path. It is a deeper introduction to what we love and have loved, an inescapable and often beautiful question, something or someone who has been with us all along, asking us to be ready for the last letting go.”

‘HEARTBREAK’ Excerpted From CONSOLATIONS:

The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words.

© David Whyte and Many Rivers Press 2015

Now Available http://davidwhyte.stores.yahoo.net/newbook.html

As I think of my friend, and experience the heartbreak that comes with my loss of her, I am asking of myself the opportunity to sit with my heartbreak, to be with it and with her, to remember, to regret, just to be with the precious moments that we did have, to grieve those that we will not have, as I allow that piece of my heart that belonged to her to open, to grieve, and to let go.

About Susan Hammonds-White, EdD, LPC/MHSP:

Susan is a communications and relationship specialist, counselor, Imago Relationship Therapist, businesswoman, mother, and proud native Nashvillian. She has been in private practice for over 30 years. As she says, “I have the privilege of helping to mend broken hearts.”  Contact Susan at http://www.susanhammondswhite.com

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by | March 3, 2015 · 5:00 am

Build a Team of Leaders

Building A Team

One of the most effective team leadership outcomes you can facilitate is for everyone on the team to end up thinking and acting like a leader. It may seem counterintuitive, especially if you’re focused on making your mark by asserting your own unique version of leadership. Therein lies the paradox that alludes many leaders: Your ultimate success will be based on the success of those on the team you lead, not on your solo contribution.

But why should you have to foster a leadership spirit in your team? What keeps people from exercising leadership on their own? I once heard John Lachs, a Vanderbilt University philosophy professor, explain it by describing how passivity creeps into organizations, sapping them of leadership, energy, and ultimately, performance.

Dr. Lachs told the all-too-familiar story of trying to return an item to a retail store, only to be stymied by a passive clerk who cited the rules and regulations restricting her ability to help him. She missed a great opportunity to be exceptional at her job by making a positive difference to a customer. She could have solved another person’s problem, represented her organization well, and made a good impression on her supervisors. Still, accomplishing all of that would have required more effort and responsibility on her part. It would have required she act like a leader by taking ownership of finding a solution. She would have had to take the customer’s request to a higher level and lobbied on his behalf. Instead, she took the easy way out by telling Dr. Lachs she could not accept his return.

If you’re not vigilant, that passivity may show up on your team. Despite what we might like to think, we’re all vulnerable to the temptation to operate more as a dispassionate role or title than as an engaged human. That’s because professional roles are circumscribed, neat, and we can often hide behind them, just as Dr. Lach’s clerk did. Interacting as our real selves requires more from us. It demands we invest ourselves emotionally and take responsibility for outcomes, without any clear indication that we will benefit from doing so. No wonder, “that’s not in my job description,” slips out so easily when one is grousing about having to do too much.

Obviously, you want your team to resist the siren’s call of passivity. These are the behaviors and attitudes you want to foster:

  • Take responsibility.
  • Take obligations seriously.
  • Try to outperform your colleagues.
  • Reach beyond your role.
  • Embody this statement: “I’m ready to serve and will do the absolute best I can.”

Just how do you foster these behaviors and attitudes? Here are some ideas:

  • Make your expectations known.
  • Model these same behaviors and attitudes.
  • Recognize and call them out when you see them in others.

Make it clear that you value leadership and expect it from your team. If they are up to the challenge, you will see the effects in their overall performance, and, instead of your raising the bar for them, they may just start raising the bar for you!

 

About Dr. Debra Fish

Dr. Fish is a consulting psychologist whose writing and work focus exclusively on helping individuals and teams lead more effectively. Her firm, Fish Executive Leadership Group, LLC, counts among its clients everything from Fortune 50 corporations to small, privately-held professional service firms.

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by | February 24, 2015 · 5:00 am

How Can I Run My Business With All These Distractions?

?????

Sondra’s business grew rapidly in the past 18 months as she expanded product lines. Then she added three new employees last quarter when she opened a second store.

With two retail locations and a constantly expanding line of products, Sondra can’t keep up with all the details. She is constantly bombarded with employee requests for time off from work and yesterday several employees came to work with ripped jeans and t-shirts which is not the image Sondra wants to present to her customers. The employees say they thought the dress code was casual.  This morning she spent an hour sorting out a dispute between two employees.

Now it seems one of the new employees at the new store is not working out and should probably be fired, but  Sondra needs time to read the store manager’s notes to verify the grounds for terminating employment. Then she needs to hire a replacement.

Sondra’s been delaying taking action because she hates these administrative tasks. But she also knows her business is getting stuck because she’s stuck making up the rules as she goes.  She knows she can’t procrastinate any longer. She considers hiring an HR consultant to fix all these HR issues. Then she realizes that hiring a consultant would be a waste of money if she doesn’t first decide what she wants, so she wades into the details that will fix her employee problems:

  • Step one is to revise the job description for her store employees to ensure the next employee has the qualifications she needs.
  • Step two is to create a list of what constitutes proper attire in the work place.
  • Step three is to create a time table for each work day so that employees know when each work shift begins and ends and the consequences of showing up late (or not at all).

Then Sondra asks her store managers to review the new rules. Based on their suggestions, she decides to add a dispute resolution process to make sure future employee disputes don’t escalate. Now that all the basic details have been hashed out over several weeks, Sondra can hire an HR consultant to actually create an employee handbook for her business.

Every small business begins as Sondra’s did, with informal employee and HR policies. As the business grows and adds employees, it is necessary to create administrative structure to ensure the whole business runs smoothly. Corporate Compliance Risk Advisor assists business owners in creating HR policies appropriate to their company size so that business owners like Sondra are free to actually run their businesses.

About Norma Shirk

Norma started her company, Corporate Compliance Risk Advisor, to help employers create human resources policies for their employees and employee benefit programs that are appropriate to the employer’s size and budget. The goal is to have structure without bureaucracy. Visit Norma’s website: www.complianceriskadvisor.com/.

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by | February 10, 2015 · 5:00 am

The Other Side of the Couch – Is Your Brain High Jacked?

Limbic Brain

I had an odd experience the other day.  I had made an appointment for an orientation to a wellness center, but when I arrived at the appointed time, my name could not be found in the computer. A little background would be in order – since I have a hyphenated last name, computers often struggle with me. However, they tried all possible combinations and nothing came up.  I was offered the opportunity to  a) come back an hour later, b) reschedule, or c) receive a free personal training session as a compensation.

What was interesting to me was my reaction.  I became tearful; my voice began to quiver; I stated that I was irritated and upset and that none of those options were acceptable, and I walked out.  As I walked to the car, I felt my heart pounding, and when I got to the car, I got in, slammed the door, and tried to figure out what on earth had happened.  I was reacting to this computer glitch as though I had been personally attacked and I was feeling hurt, powerless and angry.  My brain had been high jacked!

I knew that I was in the grip of an adrenaline rush powered by a variety of neurochemicals and that I was not responding rationally.  I also knew that something was powering this that was bigger than a computer glitch.  So I took a few minutes to sit with myself – but nothing came up.  I was still distressed.  I decided to leave and to check this out when I was a bit calmer.

Later, I looked again at what had happened and I discovered the iceberg beneath the seemingly insignificant experience.  For me, the iceberg included ambivalence about committing to an exercise program based on fear of injury (old stuff), a story that I was telling myself that said something like, “You’ll never be able to do this right. Why are you even trying?” (self-judgment), and a sense of hopelessness about my body.  Wow!  What I found out was that even getting in the door of this wellness center had been a huge stretch and that I was carrying a lot of self-judgment that was activated by this small disappointment.

I called and made another appointment, and I will take that free session as compensation!

This kind of experience is actually quite common in human beings.  Our limbic system, ruled by the amygdala and based on fear, can high jack our logical, thinking brain all too easily.

What can you do when your brain is high jacked?

  1. Recognize it – you want to react much more strongly than the situation warrants; you have physical responses – heart pounding, breathing quickened, voice changes; you want to react impulsively.
  2. Leave the situation if possible – take a break; drink water; go for a walk.
  3. If you are with a partner or a friend, explain that you need a time out.
  4. When the physical symptoms pass, sit with yourself and listen without judgment. Your body and brain know a lot about what has happened, and if you listen to yourself, you will learn.
  5. Do what is necessary to repair the situation.

Careful listening and self-compassion are the keys to a better understanding of your own brain.

About Susan Hammonds-White, EdD, LPC/MHSP:

Susan is a communications and relationship specialist, counselor, Imago Relationship Therapist, businesswoman, mother, and proud native Nashvillian. She has been in private practice for over 30 years. As she says, “I have the privilege of helping to mend broken hearts.” Contact Susan athttp://www.susanhammondswhite.com

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