Tag Archives: writing

Time Change

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Sometimes I sit down to write and I’ve got nothing.  My mind is constantly spinning, but unless I feel something in my gut, the words just don’t come.  That appears to be the case today.  This past weekend we turned the clocks back and I guess I’m feeling uninspired and sluggish.  The view outside my window is actually lovely; blue sky, leaves finally turning coppery and softly fluttering in the breeze.  But it’s 2:00pm and already it feels like late afternoon rather than a bit after lunchtime.  Even Bentley, the labradoodle, feels it.  He’s dozing on the chair in my office, tail twitching every now and then.

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Every Fall it seems I experience this same sense of sadness when the clock changes.  Farewell to summer, to my vegetable garden, to the abundant daylight hours.  I know the coming weeks and months will be festive and fun, filled with holiday parties and celebrating a new year.  But today I just feel down.  Tonight, I will prepare the last of my beautiful summer eggplants and this weekend I will clean out the beds.  The other day I picked the last of the bell peppers and jalapenos for the season.  This year I planted a couple of beds with cool weather greens and they are doing well, but I already miss my fragrant tomatoes, the unruly squash and cucumbers.

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This year’s time change has brought other changes, too.  My daughter, newly returned from California, will soon be moving into her new condo.  I’m happy for her, glad she’ll have a new place to call her own.  But I’ll miss her comings and goings in my house.  A friend recently joked with me that we just can’t get rid of the adult children, and it’s true.  They cycle in and out as they transition from one thing to another.  But honestly, I’m happy they know our arms and our doors are always open when they need us.  Yes, it’s disrupting, but all things being equal, I’ll take this type of disruption any day of the week.  The fridge is fully stocked, the washing machine runs constantly, but I’m enjoying this short-term visit with my parenting past.

The shadows are growing longer and it’s still just mid-afternoon.  I know this feeling won’t last long.  In a couple of days, I’ll be used to this new season and have more energy to face the darker months.  But right now I’ll just watch the waning light outside my window and say a little farewell to summer.

About Barbara Dab

Barbara Dab is a small business owner, journalist, broadcast radio personality, producer and award-winning public relations consultant.  She is the proud owner of Nashville Pilates Company, a boutique Pilates studio in Nashville’s Wedgewood/Houston neighborhood.  Check it out at  www.nashvillepilatescompany.com.  She is also the creator of The Peretz Project: Stories from the Shoah: Next Generation.  The Peretz Project, named for her late father-in-law who was a Holocaust survivor, is collecting testimony from children of survivors.  Visit http://www.theperetzproject.com.  If you are, or someone you know is, the child of survivors of the Shoah, The Holocaust, and you would like to tell your story please leave a comment and Barbara will contact you.

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Rediscovering My Passion

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My daughter is planning a job change.  She’s in her first big career job after grad school and, as her current situation does not have much growth potential, the time has come for her to move on and move up.  She happens to also have chosen a field that is both highly competitive and male dominated: collegiate athletics.  But the world of sports has been both her passion and her hobby since childhood, so it’s a natural fit as a career.

As she navigates her way through the job search, she’s having to do some soul searching about which direction to go, where to relocate, if she should relocate.  Her graduate degree is pretty broad so she has lots of options.  But sometimes a broad field can mean lots of distraction and confusion.  Figuring out long term goals in light of so much choice is overwhelming.  So she sought some advice from a counselor who gave her some wisdom that really resonates with me, too.

The counselor said there are two guiding things to consider. The first is figuring out what she’d want her life to be about, meaning what is her core passion?  Is it collegiate athletics, education, social media, design, etc.?  The next thing to consider is what she wants her life to look like, i.e., what type of daily work she wants to do in service of that passion.

It’s so easy in life to get sidetracked, to be lulled into complacency or to simply procrastinate until life happens around you.  I have always encouraged my children to follow their passions, especially while they’re young and unencumbered.  I fell early into adult life with marriage and children and big life responsibilities.  My early passions were shelved to make way for caring for others.  And while I don’t really regret those choices, I do feel the urgency of time passing way too fast these days.  The counselor’s advice rings true regardless of age or stage of life.

And so, I’ve begun to reflect on my life in light of thinking about my passion.  I’m not sure where this will take me.  I do believe there is a common thread that runs through everything I’ve done, both personally and professionally.  But still, I feel that something is missing.  So, thanks to my daughter, I’ve got some work to do.  I’m excited to let myself dream, to dig deep and maybe even remember a part of myself I’d left behind.  And maybe it’s time to honor the person I’ve always been and who, finally, will not be ignored.

About Barbara Dab

Barbara Dab is a small business owner, journalist, broadcast radio personality, producer and award-winning public relations consultant.  She is the proud owner of Nashville Pilates Company, a boutique Pilates studio in Nashville’s Wedgewood/Houston neighborhood.  Check it out at  www.nashvillepilatescompany.com.  She is also the creator of The Peretz Project: Stories from the Shoah: Next Generation.  The Peretz Project, named for her late father-in-law who was a Holocaust survivor, is collecting testimony from children of survivors.  Visit http://www.theperetzproject.com.  If you are, or someone you know is, the child of survivors of the Shoah, The Holocaust, and you would like to tell your story please leave a comment and Barbara will contact you.

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Heading Out: Vacation Prep Blues

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As I write this, I’m about to head out with my husband for a two-week vacation.  It’s the longest we’ve been away in years, and I am a bundle of stress.  The past several weeks I have been occupied with visits from my three adult children, something I enjoy but that also distracts me from the daily life I have constructed for myself.  So, my mind is most definitely not engaged in vacation prep.  Not only that but my youngest, who has been living with us for the last couple of months, has taken a job in another city and will be leaving just four days after we return.  I feel both excited for him and for my return to normalcy, but also somewhat sad to be missing out on some quality time during his last weeks at home.  Oy!  I am quite literally a mess of emotions.

I’ve written before about the pressure we women put on ourselves; the pressure to perform, the pressure to look great all the time, the pressure to succeed, to be perfect in every way.  For me, I add in the pressure to be the perfect mother for whatever stage my kids are in their development.  These days, as young adults just starting out, that takes the form of regular texts and phone calls for recipes, work advice, fashion input, roommate issues, financial planning, dating, the list goes on.  And of course, there is “Mom’s Moving Service,” which is always at the ready to help with apartment hunting, box schlepping and the assembly of Ikea furniture.

For the most part, it’s great fun to watch, and participate, as their adult lives take shape.  God knows I wish I’d had the same encouragement and support when I struck out on my own young adult life.  But it’s also physically and emotionally exhausting.  I walk the line between respecting their boundaries and giving input, all the while remembering their sweet little baby smiles, their sticky faces, their hurt cries and the tiny arms drawing me close to say goodnight.  Yep, for me it’s constant work to refocus the picture of them in mind as fully-grown adults.

And actually, they are all doing a great job of building their lives.  Each is on a different path with widely varying careers and lifestyles.  Each is financially self-sufficient and two of them have higher degrees.  This is not a brag on my kids, but the way, it’s me reassuring myself that they are all fine and well so that I can get on with my life and my vacation!

At this point, our bags are mostly packed and ready, save for the last-minute carry-on items, we’re checked into our flights and tonight our son will drop us off at the airport for our overnight transatlantic trip.  I’m hoping that somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean, I’ll drift off to sleep (with the help of some Ambien and a glass of wine) and by the time I wake up I’ll be recovered from the “Kids’ Visit Hangover.”

As you read this, I’ll be arriving home, hopefully with some new stories to tell my children when I see them next, and a refocused perspective on who we all are in this world and where I intend to go next.  Here’s hoping…

P.S.  The recent rains have made my garden go crazy!  Enjoy some pictures of my sunflowers, tomatoes and squash!

 

About Barbara Dab

Barbara Dab is a small business owner, journalist, broadcast radio personality, producer and award-winning public relations consultant.  She is the proud owner of Nashville Pilates Company, a boutique Pilates studio in Nashville’s Wedgewood/Houston neighborhood.  Check it out at  www.nashvillepilatescompany.com.  She is also the creator of The Peretz Project: Stories from the Shoah: Next Generation.  The Peretz Project, named for her late father-in-law who was a Holocaust survivor, is collecting testimony from children of survivors.  Visit http://www.theperetzproject.com.  If you are, or someone you know is, the child of survivors of the Shoah, The Holocaust, and you would like to tell your story please leave a comment and Barbara will contact you.

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Better Late Than Never???

People say that. I don’t know if it’s really true, but, hopefully, it’s a good way of making an apology for my tardiness – once again. For many, MANY years, I was ALWAYS late. My family planned around it. They got to where they told me to be ready a half hour before I actually needed to be just so I MIGHT be ready on time. Then, in about 2000, maybe 2001, I can’t remember, I did a 180. Now, it’s like, even when I think I will be late to work or to an appointment, I somehow manage to arrive early, or on time at the latest. Amazing! It amazes me regularly.

This leads me to the point that, when I was Managing Editor of HerSavvy, I was relentless about getting the blogs out on time. Now that I have committed to writing a blog once a month, for some reason, I can’t seem to get on schedule. My apologies go to you, our readers, and my humblest apologies to my blog-mates, Barbara, Susan, Norma, and Renée.

Legitimately, though, I was consumed for a couple of days filling out some very detailed paperwork for our mom, which also involved tracking down documents which had been stashed away for a very, very long time. Even though I had reminders set, the next thing I knew, it was Wednesday. Rats!!! What happened to Tuesday? Long gone. And I had planned an article inspired by Norma’s article from last week.

I do have a problem. I admit it. There are plenty of things I want to accomplish in this life, daily and for future success. Yet, I fall short. Fear of failing? Maybe. Some say we tend toward this due to fear of success. That seems crazy to me. I read Barbara’s article again, On Being Human, and I realize that I am taking for granted the intensely packed life I somehow keep up with. I manage to hold several jobs and work on my songwriting as well. I am hopeful that, as Barbara wrote; I am “Learning to accept myself as I am, to value myself for who I am and to grant myself the compassion I give to others.”

I am a work in progress. That’s for sure. I’ll write that article for next month and I’ll get it in on time. I promise.

About Jan Schim

Jan is a singer, a songwriter, a licensed body worker specializing in CranioSacral Therapy, and a teacher. She is an advocate for the ethical treatment of ALL animals and a volunteer with several animal advocacy organizations. She is also a staunch believer in the need to promote environmental responsibility.

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On Being Human

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This week I did something I’ve never done in my professional life…I missed a deadline. In fact, I missed my deadline for publishing this post! I don’t know how or why, and I’m pretty embarrassed about it. I consider myself a responsible, mature professional who is able to manage time well. But somehow, it happened.

As you can see, I’m beating myself up pretty badly about this. And I can’t help but wonder why. Why are we so hard on ourselves when we behave in a perfectly normal, natural, understandable manner? Is it perfection we expect? Are we afraid of letting people down, of being a disappointment?

Last week I spent much of my time preparing my home for the holiday of Passover. This requires cleaning my food pantry and clearing it of any food items containing flour and other foods forbidden during the weeklong holiday. In our household it means moving things from one place to anther, swapping out my everyday dishes for those reserved for this holiday, along with flatware. I also shopped, cleaned house and prepared food for the seder, festive meal, we hosted for 18 people at our house on Friday night. And, my adult daughter arrived to spend the weekend with us. In short, I DID A LOT OF STUFF! At various moments I reminded myself that I also had to write this post, but obviously, that didn’t stick. I can’t imagine why not! Ha!

Obviously I am someone who can accomplish and juggle many tasks. I pride myself on that fact and consider it one of my strengths. Heck, I raised three kids, went to grad school, worked full time, started two businesses and held volunteer leadership positions. I’ve set a pretty high bar for myself and usually can meet it. So is that why I can’t seem to shake the shame that I feel? Or is it something deeper?

I have a theory. I think my overblown shame and embarrassment stem from my underlying insecurity. It’s a feeling that, no matter how much I accomplish, I am not good enough. So when I fall short of my own expectations, it’s as if my suspicions about myself are right, and I am exposed. The world can now see me for what I really am: inadequate and incompetent.

My insecurities have their origin in my childhood, of course. I’ve had enough therapy to know from whence it came. The question is how do I move past this? It’s a difficult task. There are no easy answers or shortcuts. What I know is that this is part of my life’s journey. Learning to accept myself as I am, to value myself for who I am and to grant myself the compassion I give to others.

The lesson of Passover is to understand our past, and to remind ourselves of our journey from slavery to freedom. This year, I want to free myself from the bonds of insecurity and self-doubt. I want to remember the lessons of my childhood so that I can make new, better, kinder choices. One of the blessings in the seder services says, “This year we are slaves, next year may we all be free.” We are all slaves to something. What does it take for us to be free?

About Barbara Dab

Barbara Dab is a small business owner, journalist, broadcast radio personality, producer and award-winning public relations consultant.  She is the proud owner of Nashville Pilates Company, a boutique Pilates studio in Nashville’s Wedgewood/Houston neighborhood.  Check it out at  www.nashvillepilatescompany.com.  She is also the creator of The Peretz Project: Stories from the Shoah: Next Generation.  The Peretz Project, named for her late father-in-law who was a Holocaust survivor, is collecting testimony from children of survivors.  Visit http://www.theperetzproject.com.  If you are, or someone you know is, the child of survivors of the Shoah, The Holocaust, and you would like to tell your story please leave a comment and Barbara will contact you.

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Building a Following: Attraction Rather Than Promotion, Part II

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We are continuing this month with David Bates of Bates Nursery and Garden Center, indeed my better half and a very bright light.  Photo: Renee and David Bates, circa 2001.

When I asked David how he prepares for writing the newsletter each week he said, “I rarely know what I’m going to write about. I schedule time to write. I sit down and some thought comes or I think about what has transpired over the week and I begin typing. As the type goes onto the screen, that’s where I become inspired and, it’s important for me to have a deadline.”

People often tell me that they get several newsletters but David’s is one that they always read. David’s late friend, Rebecca Bain of Nashville Public Radio, told him that his articles were good though he needed to keep them brief. Mark Twain once said, “I apologize for the length of this letter as I did not have time to write a short one.” Writing with brevity takes time. Most weeks David keeps it to 350 words as his homage to Rebecca. He also tries to keep the self-promotion aspect low in newsletters. Topics are generally informational and not about promoting specific items.

Tracking outreach, he notes that about 1,500 people open the email within the first hour. People sign up for the newsletter through his website, www.batesnursery.com, or when they check out at the register and sign up for Bates Rewards, a loyalty program.

Regarding social media, Bates’ has Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Tumblr sites. David also co-hosts a weekly radio show, At Home with Josh Cary and David Bates, on WWTN 99.7 FM. He tries to coordinate all aspects of promotion across these formats.

Bates’ Twitter account has over 81,000 followers and Facebook has close to 3,000 likes. The Twitter following has more of a global audience and when he began in 2009 he said he didn’t really have any idea what he was doing. He spent an average of 2 hours a day for 2 ½ to 3 years building it.

He is committed to keeping viable content on social media. “Keep people engaged,” David offers. “Facebook has a decidedly more local audience. The up to date information is posted more to that site.”   When I asked him about whether he had delved into paying to promote on Facebook he replied, “Not yet.”

When asked what advice he would give someone who was just starting out with social media, he said that he would take his father, Earl Bates’ advice: “If you are going to copy someone, copy someone who has been successful. Don’t try to make someone else’s failure work for you.” David looked at what others were doing successfully and emulated their practices. Apparently it works.

About Renee Bates

Renee is an artist focused on growing a newfound ability to express herself through oil painting, recently leaving her role as executive director of the non-profit Greenways for Nashville to pursue art and product development. Renee likes being in nature, hiking, birding, and working in the garden. Married to David Bates of Bates Nursery and Garden Center, she appreciates that the legacy of the 3rd generation business was begun in 1932 at the height of the depression by a savvy woman, Bessie Bates.

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