Tag Archives: women’s issues

by | July 24, 2014 · 5:00 am

Rebel With A Cause

 

Emily Dickinson

 

 

 

 

 

 

Emily Dickinson was a rebel. She’s an excellent role model for any woman (or man) who wants to demur from the mainstream but not be handled with chains, to paraphrase one of her more famous poems.

Her rebellion was unobtrusive, quiet, and almost invisible at first viewing. Consider her poetry; She wrote poetry that often did not rhyme. The convention in her day was that poems consisted of four-line stanzas in which alternating lines rhymed.  Her style was so radical that it was rejected by one of the leading poets of the day. The rejection must have crushed Emily because she never again submitted a poem for criticism or publication and her poetry was first published after her death. Now her non-rhyming style serves as a  transition to the free-form style prevalent with today’s poets.

Her poetry memorializes her rebellion against the constrictions in her life. One widely  anthologized poem begins with an observation (paraphrasing again) that people who fight silently are braver than those who fight openly as soldiers. This sentiment will resonate with anyone who has fought an up-hill battle against oppressive authority or stupid social conventions.

Emily rebelled by using satire in her poetry. Her satirical eye was as sharp as Jane’s Austen’s, but perhaps not as gentle. One of her poems pokes fun at a preacher who preached so long on a broad topic that he made it narrow. We all love to skewer pontificating bores, but we rarely do so as elegantly as Emily.

Emily was also a rebel in her personal life. At a time when marriage and motherhood was the only socially acceptable career for women she remained unmarried. She carved out an unofficial career as a poet.

I discovered the rebellious life of Emily Dickinson when I began reading my copy of her collected poems, bought long ago and forgotten on the shelf. I never realized how radical she was when I was forced to read her poetry in English literature class. Now I want to become a rebel like Emily Dickinson.

About the author:

Norma Shirk helps employers create human resources policies for their employees and employee benefit programs that are appropriate to the employer’s size and budget. The goal is to have structure without bureaucracy.

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by | July 22, 2014 · 5:00 am

“Wise up ladies!”

Key

Through our many life experiences we become wise, knowledgeable, and gain much Wisdom.

Wisdom is what we offer to those who follow in our footsteps, those we coach and mentor, love and care for, and those we sit next to in the Board Room. Wisdom has a place in all of our lives.

I’ve shared these five (5) wisdom keys many times before and now I’d like to share them with you.

WISDOM KEYS

1. Performance First
You MUST perform in order to succeed. A no brainer!
2. Take Risks
Take the leap. Otherwise life will be safe and boring!
3. You Own Your Career
You are responsible for your career… your boss isn’t, your spouse isn’t … YOU are.
4. Network, Network, Network
Build Relationships with everyone you meet. People help people.
5. Ask For What You Want
If you tell people what you want, they don’t have to guess.

Recently, I was asked to speak to a group of middle school young ladies. So, I revised my wisdom keys to address a young audience….

WISDOM KEYS for Emerging Young Leaders

1. Study First – No excuse!
2. Stand out in the Crowd.
3. You are responsible for the choices you make:
The music you listen to, the way you dress, and the friends you choose
4. Network, Network, Network – build relationships with family, teachers and your church.
5. Ask for what you want – If people have to guess, they might guess wrong!

Sharing wisdom with others could change their lives…as it did ours, along the way! So, I encourage you to share wisdom with those who could benefit from it… you could change a life also.

 

 

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by | July 17, 2014 · 5:00 am

Step Up To the Table

Meeting Room

Being a woman executive in the engineering profession is still a novelty. It shouldn’t be, but it is. I’m often the only woman in the board room, in the leadership team meeting, or on the advisory board. Sometimes I’m even the first woman to have been around those tables.

Last year, Governor Haslam appointed me to the Architects and Engineer’s Licensing Board. In the 100 or so years of its existence, I am the first woman engineer or architect to have been appointed. Now, you cannot tell me that in the past 100 years there has not been a qualified female architect or engineer worthy of this appointment. Many are WAY more qualified than I will ever be. And before you go blaming past Governors or the influence of men in our profession, let me tell you what I found out. Those asked to suggest nominees for this appointment have been asked before to put forth qualified women’s names, they simply couldn’t find any women willing to commit to the service. That’s what I learned. Now, perhaps they didn’t look hard enough, or ask the right women, but nonetheless, they were told, ” No.”

If you’ve read Sheryl Sandburg’s book Lean In, this propensity for women to say no won’t surprise you. Women often undervalue their qualifications; many believe that if they aren’t 100% qualified for an opportunity, they should not accept it. Men, on the other hand, believe that if they bring over half the skills necessary to the task, they’ll pick up the rest of it OTJ and thrive in the position. This plays out over and over in job searches, promotions, even asking for raises: Women are consistently less likely to put themselves forward for consideration than equally qualified men.

This self-limiting behavior has got to change, ladies. We need you to look for opportunities to step into those leadership roles that you’ve every right to pursue. The young ladies who follow in your footsteps need you to; the men who will prosper from having your expertise at their tables need you to; and I need you to. I want more women at my tables!

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by | July 15, 2014 · 5:00 am

Loss and Renewal

Glad painting 1

My mother passed away just over three months ago.  Though she had been having some health trouble, her passing came as a surprise to family and friends.  She was tough and withstood tremendous discomfort.  Heard often to say, “Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day,” she was cooking her breakfast on Friday morning, went into the hospital in the afternoon and passed away on Tuesday evening after just two and a half hours in hospice care.  I miss speaking with her every day, hearing her daily synopsis of the news, what was going on with family, and her laugh.  I miss sharing the birds that I had seen, and taking her for car trips to see the birds and other wildlife.  Mother was dramatic.  When we would see a hawk perched on the Vine Street Christian Church steeple, along the roads or soaring overhead, she would often exclaim, in her delightful southern drawl, “Ohhh, ah do love the fowl”.  I miss her entertaining ways.  Our family misses her way with words and phrases.  Mother had more colloquialisms than you could shake a stick at.

I have heard that the depth of loss doesn’t sink in until some time has passed.  I believe that to be true now.  It has had its stages with me and will continue evolving.  Having lost both parents and three of my four brothers, I can say that even though it is difficult to let go, there is a beauty surrounding the event like nothing else I have experienced.  When we have had loss, everyone is unified, grieving and pulling together, loving and supporting one another, as at no other time.  Let me say that I do not want to lose anyone else to experience this again, but I am more accepting.

Because there is time freed up with no longer looking after mom, and because I jumped right back into work after she passed, I recently took a week-long sabbatical to the mountains and did something that I have never done but always wanted to do…I took a painting class.  It was lovely because the teacher, the talented and inspiring artist, Kim Barrick, was encouraging and generous.  I rented a small cottage all to myself and had the luxury of time to fully dedicate into creating and learning something new.  I made new friends and to my surprise saw an old friend.  In the mornings we hiked, in the afternoons we painted.  It was heavenly to have space and time all to myself in the evening.  My cottage had a screened-in patio with a lawn and old growth forest beyond.

Of course, birds were everywhere in the mountain village.  My mother would light up when you mentioned a Wood Thrush.  I had not seen a one in probably 15 years. For the entire time that I was there, a Wood Thrush sang to me.  The first morning that I heard the varied and beautiful song, I wasn’t quite sure if it was the Thrush.  In the early morning of the second day I stood inside the patio and wished and watched for it to fly into view, hoping to get a glimpse.  Sure enough, it briefly flew into the yard.  It was a Wood Thrush!  Not only did I have the melodic song almost nonstop from dawn to dusk, I had Pileated Woodpeckers, Towhees, Wrens, and tons of Robins (in the thrush family, much more common.)  There was also a Cooper’s Hawk that I was alerted to when I heard the whole community of birds squawking.  They were doing their best to run him off as he tried to steal the babies from the wren’s nest, unsuccessfully, I will add.  This collective of art and nature was a spiritual experience and life changing.  I felt, and still feel wonderfully, wholly loved, taken care of, and that I am doing the right thing.  I found that I actually have some ability to paint and want to learn more techniques.  I want to grow this.  I have begun working through a twelve-week course, ‘a spiritual path to higher creativity’, with a book titled The Artist’s Way, by Julie Cameron.  I will let you know how it goes.  In the meantime, I will relish the renewal.  Though I won’t be able to physically show my mother the paintings, I think she knows just what I am doing.

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by | July 10, 2014 · 5:00 am

Savvy Talk: Nail your next speaking engagement or media interview with these tips

Speaker

I have a confession to make…I love to talk.  This is no surprise to those who know me, and  even to many who haven’t met me in person.  I became a broadcast journalist because I  love using my voice to illustrate a story.  Radio in particular is fun because there are no  visual aids, just the sound of my voice and the voices of my sources with maybe some  great ambient sounds.

I also enjoy public speaking.  Unlike radio broadcasting which takes place in a small studio  with just me and maybe a sound engineer and a microphone, when I speak in public I get to  experience my audience.  I can hear their laughter, see their faces and even answer  questions.  It’s invigorating for me to interact with people.

For most people, though, this is not the case.  It’s a well-known fact that the number one fear is public speaking.  Yep, most folks would rather be on an airplane with no working engines than stand in front of a group and talk.  Go figure!  But for those in the business world public speaking is a fact of life.  Making presentations, giving speeches and talking to the media are tasks that can give even the most seasoned C-level execs nightmares.

Here are some sure-fire tips to help you survive (and maybe even enjoy) your next speaking engagement or media interview:

  1. Be prepared.  This may be obvious but I cannot count the times I have begun an interview with someone only to find she does not know her talking points or does not have relevant facts available.  Taking the time to know your message can make all the difference between being misquoted and helping to shape the story your way.
  2. Practice.  Again, obvious, but many busy people do not take the time to practice their speaking skills.  Begin with a tape recorder, in private, until you feel confident that you like what you hear.  Then stage a mock interview with someone you trust like your assistant, a colleague or your communications advisor.  Pretend you are preparing for a Candidate Debate, they all do it!
  3. Slow it down.  Most of us tend to speak fast when we are nervous.  Even professionals tend to speed it up under pressure.  If it feels like you are talking too slowly, you’re on the right track.  And make sure to practice enunciating difficult names and terms.  Oh, and remember to breathe!
  4. Make eye contact.  This is a great way to connect with your audience.  If you are speaking to a large group, choose a person to look at and then sweep your gaze around the room making eye contact with a few other people.  Hold each person’s eye for a few seconds before moving on.
  5. Don’t fidget.  Fidgeting is a way to release nervous energy.  But unfortunately it only makes you appear more nervous.  If you have a podium, try to rest your hands on the sides of the top.  Don’t hide them behind because this makes you look like a talking head.  If there is no podium, one trick is to keep one hand in your pocket.  Another idea is to hold something like a pen or pointer, but do not let the object make you more fidgety.  Sometimes strolling along the stage helps, but be careful not to move too quickly.
  6. Think before you answer.  This is really important for media interviews.  Remember the reporter’s job is to get a juicy sound bite.  Most of the time she knows what she wants you to say and will keep asking questions until she gets it.  Take time and think about your answer before you open your mouth.  The reporter will wait as long as it takes.  And if you want to stall, ask her to re-state the question another way.
  7. BE PREPARED!!!  I started and ended with this so it must be pretty darned important.  Do your homework, practice, know your message and your next interview or presentation will be a piece of cake!

One final thing, learning to be an effective public speaker is a process.  For some people, it comes naturally but for most, it does not.  Don’t beat yourself up if you stumble during an interview or presentation.  Just keep working on it.  And let us know how you’ve tackled this very important part of business.  Remember: Savvy women share!

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by | July 1, 2014 · 5:00 am

Mother of the Bride

Bride Holding Bouquet

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The day is coming soon, the day my only daughter will walk down that aisle into the arms of a young man who will promise to love her, care for her, “for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part”…and I am bewildered by the wild swings my emotions are taking in these days leading up to this event.  It’s not the planning.  She is actually firmly in charge of all that and has clear ideas and strong organizational skills.  It’s not any kind of mother-daughter conflict.  It’s not even that we (my husband and I) don’t trust this young man and believe he will do all in his power to make her happy.

What I am experiencing is a kind of shame-faced wish to stop time.  As parents we pour our love and care and support into our children, hoping and praying for a life full of joy.  And then when the time comes, and it is time for them to fly away into that dreamed-of life…we have to say goodbye.

I know that these feelings are not necessarily rational…it’s probably not the last time we will eat dinner together, just the three of us, or the last time we will go on a trip together…yet these days have a tremendously bittersweet edge.  The focus of her life has changed, and we’re not so central to it anymore.  The irony of all this is that I, myself, am a Professional Counselor, helping others to deal with life transitions.  It’s hard no matter where you come from.

I will face that day with all the grace I can muster.  I will cry (I already cry at commercials, so I don’t have a prayer that day.)  And I will welcome her husband into our lives as a son.  I will accept the changes in our relationship that are inevitable.  I will learn to love him.  But I will always miss my little girl.

Tips for Dealing with “Good” Transitions:

  1. Don’t be too hard on yourself…even if it’s a wonderful event, it’s still a change.
  1. Allow yourself to feel what you feel.  It doesn’t help to tell yourself you “should” feel a certain way if you don’t.
  1. Find support.  Talk to your spouse, a best friend, a counselor (!).  Sometimes writing about it helps.
  1. Plan something special for yourself after the event.  The week after might be a big let-down…so have something on the books – a massage, a day trip, a visit to a museum – something just for you.

Above all, be gentle with yourself.  You deserve as much care as anyone else does.

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by | June 26, 2014 · 5:00 am

Favorite Finds – In Nashville

Mirror Treatment

I am a recovering interior decorator.  I turned the pages of floor plan and decorating magazines, yachting magazines, and books with pretty pictures of lovely interiors and spaces that were well beyond the reach of an 11 year old.  I would put myself into the spaces and daydream. It was a great pastime. Fast-forward twelve years.  I’m happily married and in a family way by seven months. I decide that I want to leave the accounting firm I am working for, stay home and prepare for the arrival of my first child.  I look around the lovely Tudor home we are renting and long for some of the beautiful decoration that I had yearned for on the pages of the magazines.  I take a class in window treatments at Watkins College of Art and Design and an advanced class after that. Before you know it, I have some lovely window decoration in my home and I launch a business designing and making window decoration.  More classes follow in interior design, and eventually the business morphs into an interior decoration firm handling the needs of others’ décor from art to furniture and finishes. It was fun. It was consuming.  My husband has a nursery and garden center. I see areas there that I want to “help.” He says, “That’s great – but you can’t do both.”  He knows my propensity for getting too spread out and wanting to do everything.  So, I closed the decorating business and, for ten years, worked with him. In the twenty-five years of decorating and sourcing and renovating two homes I have shopped this town all over, and beyond. There are some great places around from which I have sourced marvelous finds.  Also, I love a deal…on furnishings; on clothes…a deal is a deal.

Clearing House Consignment in Belle Meade – I have bought more items from this store for furnishing my home than anywhere else in town. Ar moires, rugs, pictures…it is a great resource.

Crossville Tile Outlet in Dickson, TN – Purchased seconds or thirds in cream and soft black and checker boarded the kitchen and den on the diagonal in the first house we remodeled. It was great.  What a savings.

Pembroke Antiques in Belle Meade – The best rugs and accessories, and gifts. It’s so cool! There is a string of antique stores along this stretch of Hwy 100 to peruse for lovely, quality pieces.

Hailey Salvage on Dickerson Road – Architectural pieces, old doors, sinks – it’s amazing the things you will find here.

Preservation Station on Franklin Road – Ooh, la, la! This couple has grown this recovered, restored light fixture and architectural element store into a feast for the eyes for any who love historical interiors. Go. The owner is from one of the Eastern countries and it is worth going just to hear her talk. Another love of mine is language. But I digress.

Gaslight Antique Mall, Powell Avenue, near 100 Oaks – Everything – They have it all and it is well done. A host of dealers, so it is a great, varietal mix.

Designer Renaissance in Berry Hill – Nice, gently used clothes, couture, work and playwear abound. I like.

Yard sales are another great way to get a deal. Richland-West End neighborhood has theirs around the first weekend of June and Cherokee Park has one around the first or second weekend of September.

There you have it.   I would love to hear about YOUR favorites places.

 

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by | June 24, 2014 · 5:00 am

The #1 Leadership Advantage Women Have Over Men

Deb Fish 6-22-14

So much is said and written about what makes women more or less effective leaders than men. It is, after all, still a man’s world when it comes to most leadership positions. Women’s leadership aptitude is compared to men’s because—like it or not—men have set the standard.

But there is at least one area where women arguably beat the standard the men have set: women are better listeners on the whole, and listening leaders earn their followers’ trust most readily and engender more support from them. Indeed, effective listening is integral to many of the leadership competencies at which women have been found to excel.

Let’s face it, you are only a leader if other people are following you and you are influencing their direction. A title does not confer leadership, even if it confers some authority, so you can’t rely on a nifty title to make people follow you. Plus, even without a title, it’s possible to be a very effective leader.

Being an effective listener doesn’t mean that you’re necessarily quieter than others, though it might. What it really means is that you respectfully attend to what’s being said and not said, you ask questions to clarify what you hear, and you respond in ways that make the other person feel heard.

As a woman, here’s how your natural aptitude for listening can set you apart as a leader:

• You will understand better than others how your colleagues view initiatives, their roles, company objectives, etc. You will be tapped into all of the talent around you.

• You will be aware of what factors affect your colleagues’ commitment to, and effectiveness in, their roles.

• You will be known as someone who values others’ opinions and input, thereby making others trust you, seek out your counsel, and be more inclined to embrace your ideas over others’.

• You will more often meet your business objectives because people will work harder for you and you will have their allegiance.

All of this extra effectiveness comes from one skill; a skill that women come by naturally. Leverage this talent you have; don’t discount it; use it wisely to create real value for your organization.

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by | June 19, 2014 · 5:00 am

And the Seasons, They Go ‘Round and ‘Round

Mature woman beach

Summer officially starts in just a couple of days.  For me, summer is what I wait for all year.  As a bona fide California girl, I thrive in the warm (read, “hot”) weather.  Moving to a place with four seasons has been a big adjustment for me and I confess, it’s not one of my favorite things about my new hometown.  My husband relishes the changing scenery outside our windows and with it, the different lifestyles each season brings.

What occurs to me is that our varying response to the weather reflects our different approaches to life’s changes.  Many people, like my husband, embrace the external changing of the seasons.  They love to watch the leaves turn in the fall, they enjoy the stark landscape and cold days of winter, they relish the anticipation of new growth in the spring and in summer, they can’t get enough of the outdoors. These folks also thrive in the day-to-day routine of life, heading out to work each day and appreciating the predictability.

After living in a place of perpetual summer all my life, moving to Nashville has been a challenge.  I am a person who loves change, but to me, change is an internal thing.  I like the consistency in my external world so that I can face life’s transitions.  When my routine is unaffected by extreme weather, I can ride the ups and downs unencumbered.

These days my home nest is empty.  Without the demands of fulltime childcare, the season of my life is changing again.  With that, I have lots of questions.  Now that I have extra time and energy for my own interests, where will I spend it?  Do I expand my professional life or find some new hobbies?  Do I just enjoy the free time and read or do some additional volunteer work?  And finally, do I embrace growing older or fight the passing years?

As women, I believe our lives are in constant motion.  It’s both exhilarating and exhausting.  So it is at the start of summer that I take stock of where I’ve been and ponder where I’m going.  It’s true I prefer this external season, but I’m learning to also appreciate the changing view outside my window and balance it with the real storms inside me.  The seasons do go ‘round and ‘round and whatever change means for you, take this opportunity to rest, reflect and recharge.

 

 

 

 

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by | June 3, 2014 · 3:00 am

Welcome to HerSavvy!

Savvy: sav-vy n.

Shrewdness and practical knowledge, adj. well informed, vti. to understand something, especially what somebody has said. Synonyms: know-how, confidence, sense, savoir-faire, knowledge, ability.

Twenty-first Century women are closer than ever to “having it all.” We’ve come a long way baby from the corsets, girdles, beehives and typewriters of previous generations. And while it’s true women have always had savvy and been savvy, today we can show it off and share it with the world.

HerSavvy is the product of a networking group for professional women in Nashville, Tennessee, known as B3 or “Building Better Business.” B3 began in 2009 as way for women to support each other, problem solve and enhance their professional lives. In short, B3 is a safe place for professional women to grow and develop. The group continues to meet weekly in the wee hours of the morning for what the members call the “B3 fix.” The sessions are so inspiring, the members decided to share their enthusiasm with the world in this blog. In the pages of HerSavvy you can expect to find personal stories, professional advice and exploration and, of course, lots of fun!

So who are the women of HerSavvy? We are doctors, lawyers, writers, business owners, engineers, bankers, performers, artists, mothers, daughters, sisters, wives and friends. We challenge each other, inspire each other, support each other. We live our lives with savvy and invite you to be a part of our savvy world!

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