Monthly Archives: September 2014

by | September 30, 2014 · 5:00 am

The Other Side of the Couch: Worrying

Young Woman Biting Her Finger Nail

 

 

 

 

Are you a worrier?

So many people in this day and age are troubled by worry…worrying about what if this, and what if that…what will happen if this happens, how will I handle things if that…We spend precious energy on these what IFS, and too often in the process we lose track of the what NOW.

I spend many working hours with people who are troubled by many “what ifs.”  And it doesn’t help to be logical and explain that worrying isn’t very useful.  If worry could be affected by logic, it would not have the hold on us that it often does.

Worry, in many cases, is a message from our hearts (our emotional world) to our heads (our rational world) that is saying:  Be careful!  Watch out!  Take care!  Have you ever tried to be logical with a child who is frightened?  That’s about what it’s like when our rational brains try to tell our emotional hearts to calm down.

I have found it much more helpful to first accept the emotion:  “Of course you’re scared.  I understand that you’re worried about _____.”  It reminds me of being with my daughter when she was very young and was afraid of Gaston, the bully in Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast.”  I didn’t try to talk her out of her feelings; instead we found a ritual that involved telling Gaston to “Go away, scat, vamoose, you are not welcome.”  We did that together.  So the worry was met, not dismissed, witnessed, and together we created a different way of responding to it.

If you are worried, you might try:

  • Accepting the feeling
  • Taking a compassionate stance toward the part of you that is worrying
  • Creating a message of support that both witnesses and shifts the response.

Could change your head AND your heart!

About Susan Hammonds-White, EdD, LPC/MHSP:

Susan is a communications and relationship specialist, counselor, Imago Relationship Therapist, businesswoman, mother, and proud native Nashvillian. She has been in private practice for over 30 years. As she says, “I have the privilege of helping to mend broken hearts.”

Like what you’ve read? Feel free to share, but please… Give HerSavvy credit. Thanks!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Self Savvy

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

by | September 26, 2014 · 2:05 pm

The Scarlet Sisters

Victoria Woodhull

Victoria Woodhull and her sister,Tennessee Claflin Tennessee (“Tennie”) Claflin are the Scarlet Sisters in a  new biography by Myra MacPherson.  Today they are a footnote in America’s culture  wars but in late 19th century America they were famous for shocking people with their  lifestyle and their causes.

Tennie argued that society was hypocritical for ostracizing women who became  prostitutes while their male clients faced no social stigma. She believed this double  standard contributed to the spread of venereal diseases by discouraging women from  seeking medical treatment for fear of being accused of prostitution.  Victoria advocated  “free love” by which she meant no-fault divorces and a fairer division of marital property. They both favored voting rights for women but were disowned by the women’s suffrage movement for repeatedly going off-message to talk about other social issues. The suffragists feared (correctly) that talking about other social inequities would stiffen resistance to voting rights.

The sisters were also booted out of the Communist Party on the orders of Karl Marx for advocating an end to child labor, an 8-hour workday, a minimum wage and equal pay for women and blacks.  Marx wanted a proletariat revolution, not decent working conditions with racial and gender equality.

Their lifestyle was as scandalous as their social views. Victoria shared her house with her first and second husbands, until the former died of alcoholism.  Their extended family included an arsonist father, a sister who was a prostitute and a drug addict, and several blackmailers, including their mother.  Since the family liked to sue each other, the tabloids had a steady supply of sordid details to report.  Reality TV seems tame by comparison.

Most of the causes advocated by the Scarlet Sisters are now socially acceptable and a matter of labor law, but arguably, nothing would have changed without radicals such as these women to challenge the status quo.  That is the main reason for remembering them today.

We need the radicals who drag us out of our comfort zone and force us to confront established ideas of fairness.  Somewhere between the radicals’ extremism and the proponents of the status quo, there is a middle ground to compromise and make life fairer for all.

About Norma Shirk

Norma started her company, Compliance Risk Advisor, to help employers create human resources policies for their employees and employee benefit programs that are appropriate to the employer’s size and budget. The goal is to have structure without bureaucracy.

Like what you’ve read? Feel free to share, but please… Give HerSavvy credit. Thanks!

Leave a comment

Filed under Fun Savvy, Self Savvy

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

by | September 23, 2014 · 5:00 am

The Simplest, and Best, Career Advice I’ve Got

Advice

How often are you asked for advice by those in your profession who are just starting out?  I get that a fair amount, more so from women because I am in the traditionally male-dominated field of engineering.  When asked (and, even when I’m not on those occasions when I think it might be useful!) I offer the following three-step advice:

  1. Know what you want.
  2. Earn it.

And…. Wait for this…

  1. Ask for it.

In my experience, it’s that third step that just doesn’t happen.  Most people, women more often than men I’m afraid, think that if they work hard and earn their achievements, advancement will naturally follow.  Wrong! But it’s not necessarily because you don’t deserve it.  Nine times out of ten, whoever is in the position to make this decision simply hasn’t thought about it.  Yet, by asking and making a respectful, well thought-out case for yourself, you might give them just what they need to move forward.

Just remember: You have to EARN it first.  Once you’ve earned it, go for it!

Oh, and what happens if you are told, “No?” In my experience, even if your proposal gets a “No,” it was usually given respectful consideration and, as a result, some other opportunity will arise, because good employers really don’t want to tell good employees, “No.”  The new opportunity might not be what you had envisioned, but take the opportunity, perform well as you always do, wait for the next opportunity, and ask.

Don’t believe me?  Here’s one top leader’s account.

About Laura Reinbold, PE

Ms. Reinbold explores ways http://www.ttlusa.com can help build our communities, from the geoprofessional side of the engineering profession.

Like what you’ve read? Feel free to share, but please… Give HerSavvy credit. Thanks!

Leave a comment

Filed under Business Savvy

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

by | September 18, 2014 · 5:00 am

Shine Theory (or Why I Truly Love the Women of Her Savvy)

y99sexcast2_20000530_00477.jpg

I was prepared to write a post about pearls when I was suddenly hit with writer’s block and decided to check my email instead.  The first email I opened was from a college friend. She was writing to send me a link to an article she’d read recently; it was about something called Shine Theory. As a jewelry designer and metalsmith, when I saw the words “Shine Theory,” naturally I thought the article was about gemstones or precious metals. I was in for a surprise; there was nothing about gemstones or jewelry. The article was about why powerful women make the best friends and why we should strive to surround ourselves with women who intimidate us or women we see as “better” (i.e., more successful, smarter, cooler, etc.) than us. After I read the article, I thought about the mission of the HerSavvy group: to challenge each other, inspire each other and support each other or in other words, Shine Theory in real life. Have a look at the article and learn how to shine!

About Lisa Rose Aronow

Lisa Rose Aronow is a metalsmith and jewelry designer who works with a wide variety of precious and semiprecious stones, high karat gold and sterling silver. Her work can be found at Gus Mayer in Nashville, TN or online at Facebook.com/LisaAronowAtelier.

Photo credit: http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1764563/thumbs/o-SEX-AND-THE-CITY-CAST-facebook.jpg

Like what you’ve read? Feel free to share, but please… Give HerSavvy credit. Thanks!

Leave a comment

Filed under Business Savvy, Self Savvy

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

by | September 16, 2014 · 5:00 am

BRAINSTORMING

Brainstorm

I’m about to work through the visioning process of developing a new product.  My daughter and I have had a passion for something and will soon get together to meld our ideas into a baseline, a platform and visioning program for the concept. Brainstorming is exhilarating for me.  I once heard a quote that went something like this, “The best fun is good work.”  I believe it!   There is an excitement around possibility and creativity, especially when collaborating with others, which feeds my soul.  I recently attended a leadership session on effective brainstorming and I want to share a few points that impressed me:

  • Put someone in charge. Not always necessary though it can be good to have an outside organizer.  This way everyone is on an equal footing in the session.  Turn off the cell phones.
  • No idea is a bad idea. Avoid judging ideas. This is a collection point.  The most sensational ideas can lead to revolutionary products and services.  Number the ideas for later culling.  No striking at this point. Keep the juices flowing.
  • Have a goal. What problem are you solving?
  • Establish a time limit. Begin and end when you say you will.
  • Avoid group thinking because the loudest person will usually get the most weight.
  • Find a way to get people to say what they are thinking.
  • Physically move about in the session to generate energy.
  • Have an action plan for the ideas generated.

When the HerSavvy bloggers were thinking about the blog, we had members among us who were experienced in leading groups through the process.  We had a fabulous time over several sessions of getting our ideas out, and visioning our goals for the blog.  It was team building to say the least.  We created a mission and vision statement and talked about the various aspects of being in a business arrangement together.  Planning and processing our thoughts around the blog helped each of us get to what was important for ourselves.   It was solidifying in the desire to go forward for some and for others it helped them determine that they did not have the scheduling room or desire to continue at the time.   Having a formal session to get to the good ideas, and other sessions to mold the concepts and formulate plans is smart business.

About Renee Bates

Renee is the executive director of the non-profit, Greenways for Nashville, a member based organization. In addition to growing private support for the trails and green spaces, she enjoys oil painting, hiking, nature and working in the garden. Renee is married to David Bates of Bates Nursery and Garden Center, a 3rd generation business begun in 1932 by a savvy woman, Bessie Bates.

Like what you’ve read? Feel free to share, but please… Give HerSavvy credit. Thanks!

Leave a comment

Filed under Business Savvy

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

by | September 11, 2014 · 5:00 am

Nice Girls

Corner office istock

There are lots of leadership books out there. Every once in a while, one comes along that hits the nail on the head and raises the bar. Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office did that about 10 years ago. This week a great article came out that that outlines a few tips from this classic.

Here’s the article. You’ll like it, and most likely learn something. Pay particular attention to “Mistake No. 1. ” It is one of the most common mistakes I see in my work with executive women. If you haven’t read the book, I highly recommend it!

About Dr. Debra Fish

Dr. Fish is a consulting psychologist whose writing and work focus exclusively on helping individuals and teams lead more effectively. Her firm, Fish Executive Leadership Group, LLC, counts among its clients everything from Fortune 50 corporations to small, privately-held professional service firms.

 Photo credit: istock: BCFC

Like what you’ve read? Feel free to share, but please… Give HerSavvy credit. Thanks!

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Business Savvy

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

by | September 9, 2014 · 5:00 am

The Other Side of the Couch 4: Depression, Untreated, Can Be Fatal

Sad Teenage Girl

About four weeks ago I started taking a medication called a beta blocker.  This medication is taken by many people, and many do well on it, but others do not.  One of the side effects of this medication is depression.  I turned out to be one of those people for whom even a tiny dose of this medication leads to a rapid descent into depression.  I wasn’t sleeping well. I was waking up exhausted;. My appetite was off, and I began to feel hopeless and unmotivated to handle my daily obligations.  I began to cry frequently, and I could not stop thinking about Robin Williams and his sad death.

I am a licensed professional counselor with years of experience in the field and I recognized pretty quickly that these were not normal experiences for me.  I know the difference between being blue and sliding into a major depressive episode and I was on my way to the latter.  I called my doctor, stopped the medication, and almost immediately (within two days) was back to my regular self.  I was still sad about Robin Williams’ tragic death, but I was also able to stop obsessing about it.

Robin’s suicide may have been influenced by a medication that he was prescribed for his early Parkinson’s diagnosis.  Many medications can have these kinds of side effects.  Sometimes depression just happens without any particular cause.  Sometimes prolonged stress can tip one over into a major depressive episode.

Knowing the signs that point to depression can save lives.  If you notice sleep and appetite changes, thinking over and over again about something without being able to let go of it, negative thoughts about yourself, including feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness, fatigue, lack of motivation (that “whatever” feeling), and especially thoughts about death (They would be better off without me; I’ll show them; They’ll miss me when I’m gone) or any kind of thought about planning what you would do to die, SEEK IMMEDIATE HELP.  Depression can be treated, but death cannot.

Depression can manifest in children and adolescents somewhat differently. Often restlessness and irritability are components of this illness in minors.

A great resource for help with depression and other mental illnesses is NAMI.  You can find great information at www.nami.org.  It’s worth reaching out for help, because help is available.  Depression is an illness, just like any other.  Treat it like an illness, and get help.

About Susan Hammonds-White, EdD, LPC/MHSP:

Susan is a communications and relationship specialist, counselor, Imago Relationship Therapist, businesswoman, mother, and proud native Nashvillian. She has been in private practice for over 30 years. As she says, “I have the privilege of helping to mend broken hearts.”

Like what you’ve read? Feel free to share, but please… Give HerSavvy credit. Thanks!

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Self Savvy

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

by | September 4, 2014 · 5:00 am

HerSavvy…The Beginning: Our First Podcast!

496065AX.TIF

Today’s post is a bit different, and it introduces what we hope will be a regular feature.  We want to share with our readers what we like to call “the magic of HerSavvy.”  What do we mean by that?  Well, you’ll just have to listen to find out!  During these periodic podcasts, we’ll be discussing business, sharing ideas and doing what we do best: having fun.  So listen to our very first HerSavvy podcast and let us know what you’d like us to talk about next.  And when you’re done, hit us up with questions, comments or ideas and don’t forget to subscribe so you won’t miss a single post!  Thanks for being part of our savvy world!

About Barbara Dab:

Barbara Dab is a journalist, broadcast radio personality, producer and award-winning public relations consultant. She currently hosts two radio shows locally in Nashville, TN. Check out her website athttp://www.zoneabouttown.com.

Barbara is also creator of The Peretz Project: Stories from the Shoah: Next Generation. Check it out at http://www.theperetzproject.com If you, or someone you know, is the child of survivors of the Shoah, The Holocaust, and would like to tell your story please leave a comment and Barbara will contact you.

Like what you’ve read? Feel free to share, but please… Give HerSavvy credit. Thanks!

Leave a comment

Filed under Business Savvy, Fun Savvy, Self Savvy

Tagged as , , , , ,

by | September 2, 2014 · 5:00 am

Frankenstein’s Mother

Frankenstein

Mary Wollstonecraft was an unusual woman. She left home at the age of 19 to escape her bullying father and his many failed business ventures.  She worked as a school teacher and a governess before settling on a writing career.

Wollstonecraft’s political writings focused on the hot topic of the day, the French Revolution. She was a “republican” supporting the ideals of the French Revolution. In 1790 she became the first intellectual to challenge Edmund Burke’s Reflections on the French Revolution when she published Vindication of the Rights of Man. Most intellectuals, however, sided with the conservative Burke as news spread of the violent Reign of Terror.

Wollstonecraft’s social writings also diverged from the mainstream.  In 1792 she published Vindication of the Rights of Woman, which advocated gender equality and better education of women. She believed a better education would enhance their self-respect and self-worth. She also published a novel in which the women enjoyed sex and considered it ridiculous to pretend otherwise.  (She beat Erica Jong by almost 200 years.)

Wollstonecraft’s private life shocked conventional society as much as her political and social views. While living in Paris she met Gilbert Imlay, an American businessman, and agreed to be his common law wife. However, Imlay deserted her after the birth of their daughter, Fanny.

Wollstonecraft returned to London and eventually moved in with William Godwin, another political and social radical. They both despised marriage as tyranny but married when she became pregnant.  Wollstonecraft died soon after at the age of 38 about a month after the birth of their daughter Mary.

Daughter Mary is known to us as Mary Shelley, author of Frankenstein. Mary Shelley was overshadowed in her own life by her parents’ notoriety. It left her feeling like a freak and a social outcast, much like the Creature in her famous novel.  Psychologists might be able to explain it better; for the rest of us, it means that Mary Wollstonecraft was Frankenstein’s mother.

About Norma Shirk

Norma started her company, Compliance Risk Advisor, to help employers create human resources policies for their employees and employee benefit programs that are appropriate to the employer’s size and budget. The goal is to have structure without bureaucracy.

Like what you’ve read? Feel free to share, but please… Give HerSavvy credit. Thanks!

Leave a comment

Filed under Fun Savvy

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,