Loss; Grief; Illness; Grieving; Death; Mortality;

Tag Archives: Loss; Grief; Illness; Grieving; Death; Mortality;

by Susan Hammonds-White, EdD, LPC/MHSP | May 17, 2021 · 9:00 am

The Other Side of the Couch – The Weight of Grief

Grief Image

I am not unfamiliar with grieving, and yet each time Life requires that I encounter it, I am yet again surprised by its strength. I know from past encounters that the intensity will pass – there will come a time that I am not aware almost every waking moment of the depth of this loss. But that time has not yet arrived.

My husband and I both lost beloved brothers – barely two weeks apart – to metastatic cancer. Both men lived wonderful lives – one a world traveller and humanitarian, the other a brilliant scientist and sharer of knowledge and kindness. Their accomplishments were many, but it is their connections to their families and communities that live on in my memory.

Grief is heavy. Grief is physical. I am sleeping but wake up exhausted nonetheless. Moments of unexpected sadness come at random moments – just now, thinking about Glenn, wishing I could tell him about a new find in our family tree, wishing I could ask him a computer question. Little things.

I am grateful that I was able to spend time with him in person. My daughter and I went to California – the vaccine finally giving us the opportunity to go – we would have gone long since but the pandemic stopped us. We were able to be with him – to say we loved each other – to essentially say goodbye. We hoped it was not the last time – but it turned out that way.

The words of a poem by Steven Spender have meant a lot to me in these last days – in particular the last several lines.

I Think Continually of Those Who Were Truly Great

“Near the snow, near the sun, in the highest fields
See how these names are feted by the waving grass
And by the streamers of white cloud
And whispers of wind in the listening sky.
The names of those who in their lives fought for life
Who wore at their hearts the fire’s center.
Born of the sun they traveled a short while towards the sun,
And left the vivid air signed with their honour.”

My brother touched many lives – and for me, that is the measure of greatness. Love to you, Glenn, and Godspeed.

About Susan Hammonds-White, EdD, LPC/MHSP
Communications and relationship specialist, counselor, Imago Relationship Therapist, businesswoman, mother, proud native Nashvillian – in private practice for 30+ years. I have the privilege of helping to mend broken hearts. Contact me at http://www.susanhammondswhite.com.
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The Other Side of the Couch – The Path We All Must Take

Image result for Path we all must walk

Someone very close to me has received a diagnosis of cancer. Neither the nature of the relationship nor the specifics of the diagnosis are significant here – what I am watching, as though from a distance, is my own set of responses.

I have been here before. The shock of the information, the moment when everything goes still and you find yourself not breathing. The deliberate focus on detail – who, what, when – what is the plan – what do you need – how can I help. My method for coping with crisis is to become very organized and intentional. I suppose that is about imposing some degree of order on a suddenly chaotic world.

That works for a limited amount of time. It is the cushion that the psyche provides when events are too overwhelming to process all at once. I find that it is useful.

What I have not done, and what I need to do, is to set aside time to feel the emotions that I am now deliberately avoiding. I am afraid. I am devastated. I am unbelieving and in shock. I am so afraid that my time on this earth with this person is coming to an end. I am dealing with loss.

I wish I had words to say that would make it better. I wish it were not happening. I wish I could go back to that blissful place of unknowing. I wish so many things.

This event throws into perspective once again that truth – our days on this earth are numbered. We will all follow the same path out of this world, and each and every moment we have together is a gift and a blessing. I remember when I was a teenager and experienced the assassination of President Kennedy – my response that day was to gather all my siblings and to go home, to a place we could all be together.

My impulse today is the same, but we are widely scattered – thousands of miles apart. So – metaphorically speaking I gather us all into love and light, I reach out and connect, I share my loved one’s story far and wide, because I believe that loving energy helps and supports healing. I do all I can.

And I take time to cry.

About Susan Hammonds-White, EdD, LPC/MHSP

Communications and relationship specialist, counselor, Imago Relationship Therapist, businesswoman, mother, proud native Nashvillian – in private practice for 30+ years. I have the privilege of helping to mend broken hearts. Contact me at http://www.susanhammondswhite.com.

Like what you’ve read? Feel free to share, but please…Give HerSavvy credit. Thanks!