First things first. This summer I’ll be entertaining a revolving door of visits from my adult children and their friends. To date, I’ve already had my youngest come home to live while he’s between jobs, my middle has been here for a couple of weeks to participate in a wedding and a professional program and my oldest will be here soon for a week’s vacation. And, it’s only the beginning of June!
For those who know me, time spent with my children is most precious to me. We all live in different cities in different parts of the country and I miss them pretty much all the time. But living in the same town and living in the same house…different experiences entirely. The addition of even one adult into the dynamic of our empty nest really changes things.
As happens in many families, when we are reunited we fall back into old familiar roles, one might even say we regress. This pattern of regression can take many forms. First is the excitement of coming together, which lasts anywhere from a few minutes to a couple of days. At some point, the excitement subsides and then comes the irritability (mostly from the kids) of being in close quarters with us. There is bickering, annoying glares, sullen faces and snappy responses to simple questions. Finally as the visit winds down, everyone is more relaxed. This is when the really great conversations take place and before I know it, it’s over. In between all of this emotion is constant laundry, nonstop food prep, the beeps and dings of people hunched over devices, showers running and in the midst of it all, our Labradoodle, Bentley, just waiting for someone, anyone, to pick him up. I’m exhausted.
But here’s the thing about these visits, they remind me how far I’ve come toward becoming something other than a mom. For years my identity was primarily that of caregiver, sandwich maker, chauffeur, therapist, homework taskmaster, camp counselor and disciplinarian. I loved every minute of it and would go back in a heartbeat. But as that isn’t an option, I’ve worked hard to move on and carve out a different life. And I love every minute of my life now. The feeling of intrusion and interruption validates my progress and although it’s a frustrating time, I am comforted by the fact that the kids will eventually return to their new lives, leaving me to return to mine. But the bonds of love and shared experiences, the lessons taught and learned, the petty annoyances, they remain with us and carry us to the next hectic, fun filled, messy visit.
And now, on to my garden’s progress. At this point it’s been about a month since planting the beds. As you can see from the photos the recent warm, rainy weather has done wonders for the plants, if not for my hair! The cherry tomatoes, sweet peppers and jalapeños are all beginning to grow, the cucumbers are blossoming, the sunflowers are several inches tall and the squash are leafy. The mulch has helped keep the weeds at bay and, fingers crossed, I haven’t detected any pests yet. Check back next month for more on summer in my garden.
And, while you’re waiting to see my garden’s progress, let us know how yours is doing. Or, share your own family’s summer vacation.
About Barbara Dab
Barbara Dab is a small business owner, journalist, broadcast radio personality, producer and award-winning public relations consultant. She is the proud owner of Nashville Pilates Company, a boutique Pilates studio in Nashville’s Wedgewood/Houston neighborhood. Check it out at www.nashvillepilatescompany.com. She is also the creator of The Peretz Project: Stories from the Shoah: Next Generation. The Peretz Project, named for her late father-in-law who was a Holocaust survivor, is collecting testimony from children of survivors. Visit http://www.theperetzproject.com. If you are, or someone you know is, the child of survivors of the Shoah, The Holocaust, and you would like to tell your story please leave a comment and Barbara will contact you.
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